


Wish

by happyisahabit



Series: Starlight Collection [13]
Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Author Is Sleep Deprived, F/M, Inspired by Princess Bride, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 05:48:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19457641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happyisahabit/pseuds/happyisahabit
Summary: I didn't have an idea that was super original so here's a crack fic of Buttercup!Maka and Westley!BlackStar with guest appearances by Vizzini!Excalibur and Humperdinck!Hiro... Sorry in advance.Written for MaStar Week 2019 // Wish





	Wish

Nothing gave Maka as much pleasure as ordering BlackStar around. Unfortunately, her farm hand only ever smarmily responded, “As you wish.” He’d add a nickname she’d hate, but he always did as asked. 

“Farm Boy, fill these with water,” Maka commands, dropping two buckets at his feet. BlackStar looks up from chopping wood. He smirks when Maka’s eyes drift down to where his tunic is open. She draws herself back up, attempting to avoid embarrassment. “Please.”

BlackStar smiles, running a hand through his unruly hair. “As you wish.”

As he left with pails in hand, Maka fell onto the stump used for cleave wood. She felt off-kilter, lighter than air, a tightness in her chest. To quell the feeling, she took up the axe and slices through the smaller logs on the pile until BlackStar returned. It’d be days until she realized she loved him and mere weeks until BlackStar asked her father for leave to seek his fortune at sea.

“Don’t leave, Star. The sea is haunted by pirates this time of year.”

“I will return. Pirates cannot get the better of me.”

“But how can you be sure?”

“This is true love. You think this happens everyday?”

WIth one final tight embrace, she lets him go. Unfortunately, BlackStar never reached his destination. His ship was indeed attached by the Dread Pirate Roberts, who never left captives alive. When Maka got the news that he had been murdered, she shuttered herself away in her room, accepting neither food nor drink. She vowed to never love again.

Five years later, the main square of Death City was filled as never before, all to hear the name of the great Prince Hiro’s bride-to-be.

“My people! In one month, our country will celebrate its bicentennial. On that day, I shall marry a lady who was once as common as you all now,” he crows. He holds his hand out and Maka steps forward, chin up in defiance. “Lady Maka!”

The crowd cheers, but Maka can find no joy from it. This marriage was not her choice. Despite HIro’s reassurances that she would grow to love him, the only true happiness she found was in her daily ride.

Her next horseback jaunt out of the city, however, results in her kidnapping. Maka tries multiple times to escape the kidnappers, by swimming from their boat, by struggling while their giant climbs a rope, by dragging her feet as they cross over the countryside… all in the vain hope that they’d either be slow enough for Hiro or their mysterious dark-masked follower to catch up. Anyone would be better that this Excalibur character.

Their swordsman and their giant try to block the masked man’s approach, but both were clearly defeated when Maka sees him coming up the ridge. When she exclaims as much, Excalibur yanks her down to his level, short as he is, and blind-folds her, pressing a thin blade to her throat.

When the man in black arrives, there are two teacups set out on a stone and Maka looks murderous behind her blindfold. Excalibur looks smug.

“So now it is down to me. And it is down to you,” he says. The man nods and takes a slow step forward. “By all means, if you wish her dead, keep walking. I have many rules you must abide, but this would be the absolute.”

He presses the blade harder against Maka’s throat and she growls. “Let me explain-”

“My dear boy, there’s nothing to explain. Not only are you violating 37 rules of the illustrious Me, but you are trying to steal what I’ve rightfully kidnapped!”

The masked man clenches his fist. “Then we are at an impasse.”

“Indubitably. I may not be able to compete physically, but you’re no match for Excalibur and his beautiful mind.”

“Then I challenge you to a battle of wits.”

“For the Princess? To the death? I accept!”

“Good, then pour the… tea?” the man asks, confused.

“Do not ask questions you are not prepared to hear the answer to,” Excalibur says. He pours the tea while the man pulls a small vial from his belt. Excalibur inspects it with interest. “Fascinating.”

“This is iocane powder, odorless, tasteless, dissolves in liquid without diminishing its deadly qualities.” The masked man takes the two teacups and the vial, hiding them from view. He places them back on the stone. “Where is the poison? Game on. We will drink when you decide and then we’ll see who wins and who dies.”

“But it’s so simple-!” Excalibur rolls into a lengthy analysis, winding back and forth between which cup must have the poison. He gives at least eleven reasons for the placement of each cup until he suddenly cries out. “My word, what is that?!”

The man in black turns and Excalibur swaps the cups. “I don’t see anything

“I’m certain I saw… well, nevermind. Let us have tea then; it is already past 3:15.”

The masked man grins and lifts his teacup. They both drain them. “You guessed wrong.”

“You only think that! I switched the cups when you turned your back, you fool!” Excalibur cackles. “You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is…”

He continues for only a few moments until he falls over, dead as a doornail. The mystery man undoes Maka’s bindings and blindfold and the first thing she does is push away from him and spit on the corpse of Excalibur. She whips around to the man.

“And you are?” she growls.

“No one to mess with.” He drags her away, noticing her staring at the cups in concentration. “They were both poisoned. I’m immune.”

They crest another ridge before the man in black lets them rest.

“If you let me go, you’ll get your ransom. There’s no need to run. Prince Hiro has the greatest trackers in the country,” she says.

“What is the word of a woman? Me? Let you go back to your dearest love, just for a few pretty words, her promise of riches?” he mocks. Maka gasps and stomps up to him, noticing now that she only reaches the bottom of his chin.

“I never said he was my dearest love!” she hisses.

“He is your fiance, isn’t he? Yet you don’t love him?” he asks, curious. Then suddenly, a look of comprehension appears on what she can see of his face. “Ah, you mean to say you’re not capable of love.”

It is the final straw that breaks Maka’s back and she shoves him harshly with each word that follows, “I have loved more deeply than a criminal like you could ever know, Dread Pirate Roberts!”

He stumbles back, amused. “What gave it away?”

“Die slowly. Disintegrate into a million pieces in agony, you monster,” Maka spits, eyes brimming with angry tears.

“And what did I do to gain the lady’s disdain and death threats?” he asks, crowding into her space. It’s just as well since her next words are quiet, charged with her rage and sorrow.

“You killed my love.”

His eyes are intense and Maka feels a shudder go through her. She cannot look away. “I kill lots of people. What was this lover of yours like? Rich, ugly, another prince?”

“No. A farm hand, poor and perfect, despite his sass. WIth eyes like the sea… after… a…” she trails, still locked in his gaze. “A storm.”

The eyes are too close to BlackStar’s, to similar, and they bring her pain back to the forefront. “I believe I remember this boy. He begged for his life, used ‘please,’ even. ‘For true love,’ he said he had to live. He spoke of a woman, faithful and brilliant, who I can only guess is you. I’m grateful I disposed of him before he found out what you truly are.”

“And what am I?”

“Faithfulness! Pah, horseshit! Was it an hour or minutes before you engaged the Prince once you learned of his death?” he rages. Maka is almost surprised by his vitriol, but she’s too concerned with his slight against her.

“I DIED that day!” she screams. Her hands grasp into his dark tunic. “You can die too for all I care!” 

She pushes and as the man in black rolls down the hill, she has but a moment to feel vindication. “Aaaaasssss….. Yooouuuuuu…. Wiiiiiisssshhhhhhh….”

Eyes wide, Maka races down the hill, stumbling until she too rolls down to land in a heap next to BlackStar. He groans, crawling towards her slowly.

“Can you move?” he murmurs. Her hand reaches out to him.

“Move?” she laughs. “You’re alive! If you asked, I could fly…”

“Why didn’t you wait for me?”

“You were dead and we were destitute, so Papa brokered a deal,” she whispers.

“Death cannot stop true love,” he says, brushing hair from her eyes. “Only delay it a little while.”

“Star…” He leans down and kisses her, tender, loving and gentle.

The sound of cavalry echoes down to them and they break apart. BlackStar eyes Maka’s fiance angrily. Maka takes stock of their location, free of the blindfold and looking for a way to escape. The forest at the end of the ravine strikes her as familiar.

“Star, look! The Fire Swamp is just over there! If we can reach it, they can’t follow.” BlackStar looks a bit queasy at the thought.

“We’ll never survive,” he groans, but pulls Maka towards it anyway.

“I know the dangers of the Fire Swamp,” Maka tells him. “In fact, I once threatened to make Hiro build a summer home there.”

BlackStar takes a look back at her vicious grin and grips her hand tighter. “As you wish!”

**Author's Note:**

> I really wish I could have made this more original but dammit I love the original dialogue so much that it was hard to work around... Maybe when I have longer than an hour to write it... >.>


End file.
